Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
“Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.” Bob Thaves
It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy.
“It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy.” … Read More
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” Bob Hope
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” Billy Sunday
Mom and Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three.
“Mom and Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three.” Billie … Read More
When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.
“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.” Bill Watterson
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
“We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.” … Read More
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.
“Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.” Bill Gates
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?” Bette Midler
Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand.
“Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand.” Benny Hill
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?” Benny Hill
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
“Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.” Benjamin Franklin
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.
“It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.” … Read More
Those jeans are comfortable, and for those of you who want your president to look great in his tight jeans, I’m sorry I’m not the guy. It just doesn’t fit me. I’m not 20.
“Those jeans are comfortable, and for those of you who want your president to look great in his tight jeans, I’m sorry I’m not the … Read More