A Fine Frenzy

Do you remember A Wrinkle in Time? It’s a good one example. I think the character’s name is Meg. I just remember she was a very logical, intelligent, advanced girl. I wouldn’t say that I felt like that was who I was, but I wanted to be around her; I wanted to be like her. She had an understanding of science and was incredibly curious – an interesting, complex young girl.

I guess I did a couple of things when I was a kid, but they weren’t really acting – I think I walked down a corridor or something. Then I didn’t want to do it at all. I got into it because both my parents were actors and so I went with the flow. Then I said, “I can’t handle this, I don’t like auditioning.” I still hate auditioning, but it’s less painful then it was back then.

The best advice I’ve got was – “All you have is the process. All you have is the journey of making something. Once you’re done you have absolutely no control on how it’s received, or if people like it or hate it, or what is done with it. As long as you enjoy the process, then you’ll always be happy.” I really feel like that’s important advice. Sometimes we get so focused on the results that we miss doing it – we miss the adventure of being in the midst of something because we’re looking too far ahead.

I think I had a lot of fear, even when I was really young, that I was going to be seen as something that I didn’t want to be. I didn’t really know how to be myself well enough to be comfortable being someone else. Now, as an adult, I have a grounded enough awareness of who I am as a human being and what I’m comfortable exploring and what I’m not interested in exploring.

Your fingertips across my skin, The palm trees swaying in the wind, Images. You sang me Spanish lullabies, The sweetest sadness in your eyes, Clever trick… I cannot go to the ocean, I cannot drive the streets at night, I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind, So now you’re gone and I’m haunted, And I bet you are just fine. Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?..