A. P. Herbert

The rain is plentious but, by God’s decree, Only a third is meant for you and me; Two-thirds are taken by the growing things Or vanish Heavenward on vapour’s wings: Nor does it mathematically fall With social equity on one and all. The population’s habit is to grow In every region where the water’s low: Nature is blamed for failings that are Man’s, And well-run rivers have to change their plans.

The rain is plentious but, by God’s decree, Only a third is meant for you and me; Two-thirds are taken by the growing things Or … Read More

Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.

Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be … Read More

A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle; while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.

A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has … Read More

There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.

There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, … Read More

Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into one of the recognized categories of crimes and offences, for it is intolerable that the police should be put to the pains of inventing reasons for finding them undesirable.

Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into … Read More