You’re not a bunch of people lock-stepped with the politically correct. Oh no! Don’t shoot the animals! They might get their feelings hurt!
“You’re not a bunch of people lock-stepped with the politically correct. … Read More
Because when the Creator of matter, tell you you matter, then you have a purpose and then you have self-esteem.
“Because when the Creator of matter, tell you you matter, then … Read More
When you’re at a comedy club, if you’re not funny, you don’t work. People will let you know, whether it’s by booing or yelling for you to get out of the club. People are drunk or whatever and they’ll let you have it.
“When you’re at a comedy club, if you’re not funny, you … Read More
The wussification of America is killing us by teaching us to censor ourselves from what we believe. That’s why I want to see political correctness die in my lifetime, but first… I want to watch it suffer.
“The wussification of America is killing us by teaching us to … Read More
I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you’re unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly.
“I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you’re … Read More
The truth is supposed to hurt. That’s how it lets you know you don’t got it.
“The truth is supposed to hurt. That’s how it lets you … Read More
You know what offends me? Offended people. In a country with guaranteed rights to freedom of religion, its citizens are constantly trying to make faith in public spheres illegal, I am offended by that contradiction and want to talk about it as a comic.
“You know what offends me? Offended people. In a country with … Read More
Comedy, if it’s done well, can reflect the mood of a nation. It can be a mirror to who we are, what we believe in, what we are like.
“Comedy, if it’s done well, can reflect the mood of a … Read More
We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings. Well, I’m bored. Let’s go brush our teeth. Or, I’ve got to make a phone call. Hold this gum in your mouth.
“We should have a way of telling people they have bad … Read More
Conservative concepts believe in little government – take care of yourself, and that makes men who invent things like the constitution! Liberal thought has big government – we’ll take care of you – and that creates boys and they create things like Occupy Wall Street! There’s a difference between the way men and boys behave.
“Conservative concepts believe in little government – take care of yourself, … Read More
God is a crutch? Yeah, well, not believing in God is a coma.
“God is a crutch? Yeah, well, not believing in God is … Read More
If you can’t say something nice… about an overrated, ungrateful European nation that would have been wiped off the face of the earth twice in the twentieth century if it weren’t for the United States and which has given nothing to the culture in the past two hundred years but whine and cheese, both of which are made better in California, then don’t say anything at all!
“If you can’t say something nice… about an overrated, ungrateful European … Read More
It’s about something that strikes you as funny but I do it with a Christian world view: why we think the way we do based on God’s plan. I lift up my God and my country and I resist political correctness.
“It’s about something that strikes you as funny but I do … Read More
People don’t realize, or maybe they’ve forgotten, that there was a time in history when standup comedy wasn’t something that you had to hide your kids’ ears from.
“People don’t realize, or maybe they’ve forgotten, that there was a … Read More
The way to stop political correctness is to not do it. If someone says, You offended me then you say I don’t care! If they’re offended by the truth, that’s their issue!
“The way to stop political correctness is to not do it. … Read More
I bring up God alot in my show, know why? Because I miss him.
“I bring up God alot in my show, know why? Because … Read More
Talk about sexist – have you ever, ever, heard someone come up to a woman and say ‘find your masculine side?’ And by the way women, if you find your masculine side – I’m not interested.
“Talk about sexist – have you ever, ever, heard someone come … Read More
Oh, I know: If you’re fat, let’s not blame you, let’s sue McDonalds! Oh, for cryin’ out loud, hey, if you smoke, not your fault, it’s the tobacco company’s fault! Hey, if you shoot somebody, not your fault, let’s blame the gun industry!
“Oh, I know: If you’re fat, let’s not blame you, let’s … Read More
You want to reclaim your country? You got to go back to the first men who started this country, the founding fathers and this is going to be shocking for the liberal professors out there that are indoctrinating our kids but the founding fathers believed in the Judeo-Christian god that believed we have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness! You can pursuit it. If you don’t get it, it’s your fault! You messed up. Go back to work. Work harder.
“You want to reclaim your country? You got to go back … Read More
They got special terms that they use when they’re pregnant. They don’t even say pregnant, got special words they use – I’m expecting. Expecting what? I’m expecting a child, silly. Well, then, you probably got a good shot!
“They got special terms that they use when they’re pregnant. They … Read More