Awkward Quotes

My sister is also retarded. Across the board. She’s a one hundred per cent, honest to goodness, born that way retard. I learned a long time ago that if you’re going to tell a story about your retarded sister, you need to mention she’s retarded right off the bat or inevitably, at the end of the story, someone will say, What… is she, retarded? And then you have to go, Uh… yeah, she is. Followed by a lengthy, awkward silence.

Be gentle and tolerant. Intimacy will grow, but will take time and cannot be rushed. If all goes well, soon you will become more familiar with each other, and handling will forge awkward fumbling and fondling into more satisfying and productive caresses and eventually into a comfortable working partnership. At this stage you will be ready to accompany your new camera into the world.

And when you try too hard, it doesn’t work. Try grabbing something quickly and precisely with a tensed-up arm; then relax and try it again. Try doing something with a tense mind. The surest way to become Tense, Awkward, and Confused is to develop a mind that tries too hard-one that thinks too much.